DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the mall, I have seen too many stressed-out parents ignore or yell at their children. It certainly isn’t helpful. It isn’t how I was raised or how I raised mine. Years ago, I saw a poem in your column that addressed the ramifications of bad parenting versus good parenting. From what I’ve been seeing, you should print it again. Many parents who should read it won’t see themselves in it, but it could help the ones who do. Its message is so important. Thank you. -- JANET F. IN MINNESOTA
DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the mall, I have seen too many stressed-out parents ignore or yell at their children. It certainly isn’t helpful. It isn’t how I was raised or how I raised mine. Years ago, I saw a poem in your column that addressed the ramifications of bad parenting versus good parenting. From what I’ve been seeing, you should print it again. Many parents who should read it won’t see themselves in it, but it could help the ones who do. Its message is so important. Thank you. -- JANET F. IN MINNESOTA
DEAR JANET: I know the poem you are referring to and I agree it sends an important message for parents. It’s one of many profound poems and essays included in my “Keepers” booklet, which was compiled because so many readers requested reprints of their favorites. Read on: CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
This is just one of the poems, essays and letters that appear in the Keepers booklet. Some are witty, others are philosophical.
The topics include children, animals, aging, parenting, death and forgiveness. It can be ordered by sending your name and address plus a check or money order (U.S. funds) for $8 to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, it’s a quick, easy read and an inexpensive gift for newlyweds, pet lovers, new parents or anyone recovering from an illness because it covers a wide variety of subjects.
DEARABBY: I have been dating outside my marriage. My husband doesn’t know. It’s nothing serious -- just dinner, drinks and dancing. All the men have been single. I would never go out with a married man. All of them have respected my boundaries. I don’t want to be unfaithful to my husband; I’m just having a little fun. Do you think a little goodnight kiss would be OK, to show my appreciation? -- SLIGHTLY NAUGHTY IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SLIGHTLY NAUGHTY: No, I do not. A goodnight kiss would be no more appropriate than dating on the sly has been. A better solution would be for you to teach your husband to dance.
DEAR ABBY: A dear friend, “Lorraine,” contacted me because her daughter “Gabby” came out to her as bisexual and Lorraine knew I had experience with “this type of thing.” My daughter is bisexual.
Lorraine was repulsed by her daughter’s revelation and upset that Gabby expected her to be supportive and wear pride stickers, etc. My friend didn’t understand why she needed to be proud, and she told Gabby that even if she were a murderer she would still love her, and that was all that was important. I’m mortified and unsure how to handle this.
We fly my daughter’s flag outside her window. We wear pride gear and celebrate Pride Month with her. I tried explaining to Lorraine that we are supporting our daughter’s courage to come out and be comfortable and proud of who she is. When I said it, Lorraine snorted! Although we have been friends for many years, I never realized she felt this way.
I’m struggling with whether to break ties with her or continue trying to help her understand, love and support her daughter. Hearing the hate in her voice is extremely upsetting for me when we talk, but I hang onto a sliver of hope I can change her mind about this. Am I crazy to think that? -- CONFLICTED FRIEND IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRIEND: Whether you should maintain the relationship with Lorraine may depend upon how long she has known about Gabby’s sexual orientation. If the news is fresh and Lorraine has led a sheltered life, she may be shocked and dismayed by the revelation. That said, the conversation you had with her can only have been painful and insulting for you. You must care for the woman a lot, because a lesser person would have hung up on her. If you feel there is hope, keep trying to enlighten your friend. It may have an impact. However, if it doesn’t, draw the line.
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