DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling to continue my relationship with my dad, who is in his 80s. He recently became very ill and nearly died. He was unable to walk for several months, and when he was finally able to start getting around, it was with a wheelchair and walker. Dad started driving his truck, although my brother and I strongly suggested it wasn’t safe for him. He wasn’t even able to get into the truck without assistance.

A little history: Our mother was killed in a car accident when I was 14 and my brother was 18. She was hit by an elderly gentleman whose family admitted he shouldn’t have been driving.

So here’s the conflict: We have pleaded with Dad not to drive and endanger the lives of everyone on the road, including his own. Our stepmom refuses to take away the keys and even encourages him to drive despite the fact that we have asked them repeatedly to stop. He says he won’t have a wreck and it’s safe.

This is so hurtful. He continues to be selfish and completely ignores the fact that our mother died because of someone like him. What should I do? I know Dad doesn’t have much time left, but I’m struggling to keep our relationship going. -- FEDUP DAUGHTER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father’s desire for independence may be stronger than his reason. If he needs assistance getting into his truck, who is there to help him when it’s time to exit the vehicle? Does his doctor think it is safe for him to be driving? Consider posing this question to his doctor in writing.

You and your brother might also consider informing the police in your community that, because of his disability, you are afraid your father may pose a danger on the road. Because he refuses to listen, that’s all you and your brother can do.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my best friend, “Stuart,” found a new partner of the same gender. I’m happy he found someone with whom he has a deep connection and I admire his confidence in coming out. However, it has taken a toll on our friendship. When Stuart and I hang out, he brings his partner along. I usually wouldn’t mind having more people along, but Stuart and his partner are often intimate around me in public. I have expressed my discomfort and asked him to maintain some decorum and relationship boundaries, but he continues to act inappropriately.

I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, but if he chooses his partner over me every single time, I see no other option. What should I do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: What do you mean by “intimate”? Are you describing handholding? Hugging? A quick peck on the cheek or lips? Or passionate embraces and expressions of affection usually confined to the bedroom? If it’s the latter, express your discomfort to Stuart again, or see them only in a less public setting.

DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.

When I’m not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it’s still appropriate to do things with this woman - just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I’m unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he’s retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it’s OK. I don’t feel comfortable saying, “No. Stay home alone, like me.”

I don’t trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don’t have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she’s kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.

I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’m thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? -- SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it’s time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities.

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