DEAR ABBY: When I came out of my introvert shell, I began trying to find a relationship. I went on a few dating websites and met some great guys and some not-so-great guys. One of the latter had been giving me red flags since our first date. We clicked at first and shared many of the same interests and hobbies, but he wanted to move way too fast.
While our dates had always been in public places, he constantly wanted to get me alone, either at my house or his. He seemed put off when I asked if another friend could come. Then there came a time when my health was faltering, and our infrequent meetings became less important to me. I told him I was having health problems, but the next day he invited me out for another date like I hadn’t just told him.
He either began to ignore what I was saying, or I was noticing it more frequently. Because of this and other things, I quit responding to him. This has now spiraled out of control. He has contacted me on every social media app, on my phone and by email. I am upset for a number of reasons, but I feel guilty ignoring him.
My family and friends say I am doing the right thing – that responding to any of his communication will give him the idea that I’m open to communicating again. I do not want to start talking to him again, but I still feel awful about ignoring him completely. What should I do? — WONDERING WALLFLOWER DEAR WONDERING: You may be feeling guilty because you are ghosting him, which I believe is bad form. Send him a text or an email telling him you haven’t responded to his attempts to communicate because you are not interested in a relationship, and he must stop trying to contact you. Period. If he persists after that, you may have picked up a stalker, and you should file a police report.
DEAR ABBY: Our son is engaged to marry a young lady our family can’t stand. No matter what we are discussing, she turns the conversation to long, boring stories about her friend, her aunt, her cousin, etc. Nobody cares about these stories, and they are constant. Our two daughters and their husbands roll their eyes and limit their time with her. My husband leaves the room. Even my 95-year-old mother, who is partially deaf, can’t be in her company.
Our daughters think we should tell our son not to marry her, as it is ruining our close family. He doesn’t seem to notice it, seems to love her and will be hurt. Have you any suggestions? — STUMPED MOM IN THE EAST
DEAR STUMPED MOM: If you do what your daughters are suggesting, your son is almost guaranteed to be offended and become defensive. It could very likely alienate him and his fiancee. An alternative might be for you to talk privately with your son and point out that his fiancee needs to curtail her speeches because, in case he hasn’t noticed, they are so long that she has literally been losing her audience.
DEAR ABBY: I live in an apartment building. I am quiet and keep to myself. There’s a concierge here who is incredibly nosy. When I pick up my package, she asks, “So, what’s in the package?” as if I’m doing something nefarious. She’s also a terrible gossip and a liar.
At the front desk, as well as to management, she has accused me of doing things that never happened – sexual impropriety, drug and tobacco use, etc. I started receiving strange, unsigned text messages with the same accusations. I can usually recognize who contacts me. My contact information was available in the office.
This woman recently accessed my apartment using a master key. Fortunately, I was home at the time. She was fired, but she was back last weekend. Our manager said she is here “temporarily” until he can find a replacement. There are multiple copies of these keys out there, and I no longer feel safe in my own home. What would you do if you were me? — INVADED IN GEORGIA
DEAR INVADED: Document all the incidents that have happened. If they continue, write down the time and date they occur. This will prove beneficial should you need to escalate the matter. That the manager rehired a fired employee because of a staff shortage is disappointing. (It shouldn’t have happened, and there are better ways of augmenting staff needs.)
Because your manager has been unresponsive, reach out to the property owner or management company and report what has been going on. If that isn’t effective, report the matter to the police. Your safety and well-being must come first.
If you can afford to engage an attorney, consult one for advice on legal options you can consider to protect yourself from harassment, hostility or bullying. If the situation doesn’t improve, consider finding a new place to live.
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