“Is he going there?” I thought. “Are there men within this Sunday morning church gathering, myself included, about to witness the full on disclosure of a certain elephant in the room?”

Like fingers on a dimmer switch in an unlighted room, the pastor’s voice advanced the dial. In the moments of sensitive yet unvarnished self-disclosure that followed, Roger allowed the Holy Spirit to begin the work of clearing a lighted pathway into the darkened forests of some troubled minds.

A while back I had already caught a glimmer of hope through my counsellor-friend Steve. He had labored to assure me that I was not alone, that I did not have a corner on struggles over impure thoughts and lust. Now, taking in today’s account of a fellow brother in the faith – of his struggles and his ongoing pilgrimage into wholeness – I sensed a rare, near-tangible assurance . Could better days yet lie ahead?

The times of my growing-up years – the 1950s and 60s – were times in the cultural landscape marked by ideals and images of the ‘strong, silent male’.

While the ‘strong’ part might have been in question regarding some men, the ‘silent’ quality was nearly palpable. It might have been normal to debate auction prices down at the local livestock yard, or a bit of back-and-forth ribbing over the preferred mode of transport (Chevy vs Ford), or what teams would likely make the World Series cut. But confiding within personal topics – struggles over addictive behaviors and so forth – were few and far between.

Thus, I had discerned even at a young age, it would be best to keep my own concerns – disturbing as some of them may be – close to my chest.

Easier to live in the company of secrets than of embarrassment and shame.

©2024 Jerry Lout

Writer-Speaker Jerry Lout grew up in Okmulgee County. Jerry’s “Living with a Limp” and “Giants in the Rough”, are available through Amazon. Current projects include “Inside-Out” and “Thresholds” – a string of narratives highlighting surprises, sorrows, and adventures in the post-Africa years. He welcomes reader comments jerrylout@gmail.com (918) 857-4373